The holiday season can be a time filled with love, laughter and fun. Yet, it can also be a time filled with tears, tantrums and pushback from children big and small. Here are five tips to help parents and caregivers have a little bit more peace this holiday season.
Tip No. 1: Prepare, prepare, prepare
Preparing for the holidays includes both children and adults. Grownups should be sure to discuss their holidays plans with the entire family. Review the general schedule with children so they can know what they will be doing, where they will be going, and when and how they will be getting there – especially if you are driving a long distance or flying to see family.
Adults can also prepare children by explaining the rules and expectations when they are traveling and arriving at their destination. When children are prepared and know what to expect, they are more comfortable and less likely to resist or push back because there is less uncertainty.
Here is an example of what a parent may say to their child to prepare them: “We are going to Pawpaw's house for Christmas Eve. We are so excited to celebrate with our family. I bet we will eat some yummy food and maybe even open gifts. We will have to drive for about two hours, so we plan to bring your tablet with us. Remember, while we are there, we need to walk inside. You may run and play rough outside in the backyard.”
Or, you might say: “You will get so many gifts while we are there and you will be able to pick one gift to open and play with right away. We will save your other gifts in the car, and you can play with those at home.”
Preparing for the holidays also means adults need to prepare themselves. Get organized early with the things you need to prepare and bring, such as food or gifts for others. The more prepared the adults are, the (hopefully) less stressed they will feel, which in turn will help children remain at ease, too.
Tip No. 2: Maintain structure, consistency
Our second tip is to try to maintain as much structure and consistency as reasonably possible. Children thrive on consistency and are at their best when their day-to-day is predictable. This is one of the reasons the holiday season can be so triggering for children, as it is anything but consistent.
While each day may be a little different, and there may be parties and events throughout the month, try to have some consistency, whether that be a typical schedule around waking up at about the same time every morning, going to sleep around the same time every night, potentially eating meals at the same time, etc.
This means that adults should be mindful of children’s sleep schedules to try to avoid overtiredness. If a child skips their usual naptime to go see Santa at the mall, it should not be a surprise if the child is cranky and throws themselves on the floor kicking and screaming. Aim to help them nap in the car or a quiet room if possible. Otherwise, plan for an early bedtime.
Don’t forget about food! Check if children have eaten at all and what they have eaten. Just like a tired child, a hungry child is an irritable child. Adults should try to feed them before they are starving. That may mean children eat at home before going to a holiday party. Parents of picky eaters might also considering bringing along food they know their children will eat.
It is also important to be sure children are getting food that will fuel their bodies. Now, it is the holidays, so, yes, children will eat lots of sugary treats. However, we cannot expect a child to be a perfect angel when they have only eaten a candy cane, a Christmas tree cake and chocolate milk all day. Too much sugar and not enough nutrition is a recipe for breakdowns and tears.
Tip No. 3: Be a source of comfort
Transitions can be difficult for children at any time, but add Christmas songs, gifts, family and friends, and now we have children who do not want to leave or are not interested in a potty break!
Parents can use the timer trick to transition from one thing to another, like playing to eating, by first prepping the child and saying “I see you are having so much fun playing with your cousins, but it is time to go home soon. You can play for 5 more minutes and then we need to leave when this timer says ‘time is up.’ Here, help me start the timer.”
When the timer goes, off. Show your child and say, “Time is up. Please help me turn off the timer and we can tell everyone goodbye.” Then let the child turn the timer off and hopefully this can help with the transition when they feel prepared and included.
Another potential trigger for children is being forced to hug or kiss family and friends that they do not want to. Children may become scared or upset when they feel pressured to do so. Instead, we can say, “Would you like to kiss grandma?” “Would you like to hug uncle goodbye?” If they do, great! But if they don't, then do not push them. Say “Let’s wave ‘hello’ then” or “Let's blow a kiss goodbye.”
We want children to be comfortable and in charge of their own bodies. Consent is important even from a young age and can be comforting, especially when around family and friends they may not be familiar with.
Tip No. 4: Take it easy
Remember: It is OK to say no to invitations. It may not be possible or enjoyable to go to every single event you have been invited to or that is going on.
The holiday season can be super busy and stressful, so be sure to schedule some downtime to rest, relax and recover when you can; that goes for adults and children alike.
When in doubt about what to do about child behavior during the holidays, use “the 10-minute miracle”: Spend 10 minutes a day with uninterrupted, one-on-one quality time with each child. Adults should let children lead the activity and feel like their grownups are paying attention to them without distractions or technology, like phones, iPads, or Tv. This tip alone can lead to fewer tantrums and a closer connection between child and parent.
Tip No. 5: Breathe deeply
Consider some calming techniques you can use when you feel triggered or stressed. Deep breaths, tensing your body and releasing entirely, do a sensory inventory (five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste), or whatever works for you!
Expect chaos. There will likely be tears and tantrums. That is OK. Holidays can be difficult for both children and adults. Give grace, show compassion, offer support, use patience and be understanding.
You never know, this holiday season might be better than expected!